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We Have A Farm in Italy – Chapter 2!

We Have A Farm in Italy – Chapter 2!

The modern medium of ‘Texting’ can lead to confusion , I

have discovered.
 For example:

Sister to Me: ‘Luigi says that Your Olive trees need pruning.’
Me to Sister: ‘I do not Have any Olive trees! And who is Luigi?’
Sister to Me: ‘Yes you do – You agreed to buy them last week – 108 trees to be exact – Luigi says that it will cost about 200 Euros to do the job. He is The Wood Man.’
My mind was racing. “Those Olive trees! We do not technically own them yet – and they were already costing us money – Goes against my Scottish sense of justice!”
Now the fact of life is that if you intend to own a farm, things keep growing, very annoyingly, blissfully unaware of legal due process.
This was January 2016 and we had been warned that in Italy it can easily take 6 months for a purchase contract to be completed. Maybe even a year!
No pruning when you do not own the trees, results in very few Olives by the time you may own the trees!
“Think like A Farmer” I was thinking. “What would A Farmer do?”
Me to Sister: ‘Please ask Luigi to prune OUR Olive trees.’
We climbed up the strangest office staircase I had ever seen. It had began almost by the main door which led directly from the street in Tivoli Centro, wide and marble, then narrowed, twisted and spiralled, until ending at a landing ‘up in the gods’, with a choice of two vast blank white doors to enter. We chose the left door.
This turned out to be the correct choice as we were now in the busy and very professional looking offices of Eric, our very un-Italian named Notary.
Eric swept into his highly polished board room wearing a highly polished Italian blue silk suit and immediately sat at the end of his long board room table, opened a lap top computer and began speaking very fast in Italian legal jargon.
” This is not going to go well” I thought, before remembering that Lismay, my sister, had accompanied Julie and I to the meeting to act as official interpreter. Lismay had been living in Italy for 22 years and could speak the lingo well, although according to her Italian doctor partner Claudio, she still had an English accent.
Eric rattled through a vast legal document in Italian, on his Laptop, which was projected onto the end wall.
“Sign Here” he eventually said in perfect English.
We discovered that Eric had not only been educated in Rome, but London and The United States as well. He had kept a certain mystery by pretending not to understand us. Most interestingly, he knew our homeland of Wales as, to achieve his personal goal of becoming World Number One Mastive Dog Breeder, he had recently visited Swansea to purchase 2 such animals, for 20,000 Pounds EACH!
“This buying an Italian farm lark” I thought, with Scottish brain “Is going to cost a FORTUNE!”
” And now you pay Tax!” Eric announced and left the room, in a very polished sort of way.
Contrary to popular opinion, the Italians are actually very logical people. In Italy, unlike in The UK, to pay tax, you have to be registered as a tax payer and that meant going to another office to be given a unique tax payer’s code.
“We could be queuing for hours” Lismay announced in the public tax office, as we took one of those number tickets that we used to have at deli counters.
In fact, as it was nearly Siesta time, we were swiftly shown to the desk of a pony tailed civil servant who only required for his computer, Name, Nationality, Date and Place of Birth. His computer rapidly calculated and printed our unique tax codes and we were directed back through the glass doors as they were being locked for the 3 hour lunch break.
“These tax numbers are WRONG!” Eric announced back at the next meeting in his polished office.
“WRONG!” Julie exclaimed. “How can they be WRONG – They are Unique to us?”
“Ah BUT” said Eric in a legal and logical tone “These numbers have been calculated assuming that you were both born in The UK – You were not born in The UK and therefore, it is technically possible that someone else with the same names and dates of birth as you, who WERE born in The UK, could also be given YOUR unique tax codes.To be more precise, You will have THEIR codes!”
 Eric polishedly swept out of his board room, leaving us with no choice but to revisit the public tax office to be given new and hopefully correct, unique tax codes!
17 March 2016: Text from Lismay: ‘We have been eating Your Asparagus!’
Me to Sister: ‘Asparagus! I did not know we Had Asparagus?’
Sister to Me: ‘Yes Loads of it. Grows wild on Your land. Will be all finished by the time you get here!’
Me to Sister: ‘OH! Get there?’
Sister to Me: ‘Yes. Delicious! Buy the way, Just completed in Eric’s office. You now Own The Farm.’
Me to Sister – Dumb founded silence!
Sister to Me: MMS picture of Mario handing over the 100 hundred year old key to The farm that his grandfather had hand made.
We had bought a farm in Italy!
Were we Mad?

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